A wise person once said that love conquers all, but apparently, it takes love and steroids to win at kickball.
Per the new Collective Arguing Agreement, all participants of SGU's intramural kickball league are required to be tested for performance enhancing substances. Today, we learned exactly why there was a need for that particular clause in the CAA.
The "Skull Crushers" kickball team, a team made up predominantly of so-called "SOs," was found to have more than 80% of their players test positive for steroids. While one student's wife claimed, in true Manny Ramirez fashion, "they're birth control pills, you moron." I think we all know better than to believe that. The team will suffer a harsh punishment, voiding both of its wins from the previous two seasons.
League managers generally regarded this as a ridiculous idea, as most samples collected are too diluted with Carib and/or Stag to get a decent laboratory result anyway. However, today's positive results are a step in the direction of furthering a fair playing field for all kickball participants. The next step, clearly, is to have breathalyzer tests at each base to prevent potentially hilarious collisions on the basepaths.
DDR
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