There really ought to be a soundtrack for the practice of veterinary medicine, and I have a few suggestions to get us started:
TVT treatments? "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi.
A neuter? "Great Balls
of Fire" by Jerry Lee Lewis.
A caesarean section? "Bring 'Em Out" by T.I.
Exploratory laparotomy? "Inside Out" by Eve 6.
Colic surgery? "The
Twist" by Chubby Checker.
Foreign body surgery? "The Swallow Song" by
Joan Baez.
Declawing a feral cat? "Sympathy for the Devil" by The
Rolling Stones.
PSS? "Yellow" by Coldplay.
Enucleation? "Eye of the
Tiger" by Survivor.
Testicular cancer? "Ball So Hard" by Jay-Z and Kanye West.
Conjunctivitis? "In Your Eyes" by Phil Collins.
Emergency rotation at clinics? "Til I Collapse" by Eminem.
Anatomy exam? "Remember the Name" by Fort Minor.
Second anatomy exam? "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who.
Physiology exam? "You Don't Know" by Eminem.
Pathology exam? "I Can't Explain" by The Who.
Pharmacology exam? "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys.
Large animal surgery exam? "Surrender" by Cheap Trick.
Essay exam? "It's Not Right, But It's Okay" by Whitney Houston.
NAVLE Review? "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morrissette.
Rabies exposure? "Down With The Sickness" by Disturbed.
General anesthesia? "Enter Sandman" by Metallica.
General anesthesia again? "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J.
Local anesthesia? "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd.
Applying a cone? "Poppin' My Collar" by Three 6 Mafia.
Defibrillation? "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC.
Necropsy rotation? "Bodies" by Drowning Pool.
Lameness exam? "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith.
Ultrasound? "Good Vibrations" by The Beach Boys.
Vet school or job interview? "What'd I Say?" by Ray Charles.
Celiotomy? "In Too Deep" by Sum 41.
Pickup line after equine rotations? "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy" by Big and Rich.
Regarding classroom dress code? "No Scrubs" by TLC.
Vestibular disease? "I Walk The Line" by Johnny Cash.
Albino patient? "A Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procol Harem.
Tying a suture line? "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green.
Wobbler syndrome? "All Shook Up" by Elvis Presley.
Wobbler syndrome relapse? "Whole Lotta Shakin' Going On" by Jerry Lee Lewis.
Lipoma? "Lump" by The Presidents of the United States of America.
Clinical pathology laboratory exam? "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2.
Exotics rotation? "Rock Lobster" by the B-52s.
Phi Zeta Ceremony? "Dream On" by Aerosmith (from personal experience).
Equine internal medicine? "Do You Believe in Magic?" by The Lovin' Spoonful.
Equine internal medicine resit exam? "Mysterious Ways" by U2.
Sixth term at a Caribbean school? "We Gotta Get Outta This Place" by The Animals.
Course on animal welfare and behavior? "Beat It" by Michael Jackson.
First surgery? "Help!" by The Beatles.
Freemartin? "I'm A Boy" by The Who.
First day of veterinary school? "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns'n'Roses.
Pneumothorax? "Every Breath You Take" by The Police.
Restraining a feral cat? "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer.
Hypoglycemic patient? "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard.
Malnourished patient? "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran.
Hypertensive patient? "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie.
I will continue to add to this list as time goes on and I think of new ones. In the meantime: Enjoy!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
PETA Protests SVM; Claims Mass Slaughter of Baby Fleas
The School of Veterinary Medicine will face serious accusations of animal cruelty for the torture and eventual slaughter of millions, perhaps even billions, of eggs, larvae, pupae, and adult fleas from the animal rights group this week. From John Donne's squishing of "The Flea" to modern chemical weapon technology, the prejudice and hate for the parasites is centuries old.
Veterinarians treat the protest as yet another publicity stunt to be ignored. But studies have shown that use of drugs like Sentinel, an oral broad-spectrum anthelmintic for dogs, and Capstar, a flea treatment for cats and dogs, are directly responsible for the death of entire generations of fleas.
Often dressed up in fancy medical jargon like "preventive care" or "topical parasite treatment," it cannot be thought of as anything but a genocide and its ethical implications must not be ignored.
Perhaps most disturbing to the activists is the special two-lecture series, scheduled for October 31st and November 1st, on the prevention of both fleas and ticks. The lectures will only further the knowledge and ability of current veterinary students to continue the devastating assault on blood-sucking parasites in the future.
Points out one protester, "Preventing fleas doesn't just impact the fleas, it also removes any tapeworm eggs inside the flea that could otherwise infect the dog. Parasites are people too!"
As yet, no formal charges have been raised in the International Court of Justice; but with such public outcry, it is only a matter of time before the situation escalates.
In other news, the families of roundworms, hookworms, and whipworms are considering filing a class action suit against the makers of Milbemax and Interceptor.
Veterinarians treat the protest as yet another publicity stunt to be ignored. But studies have shown that use of drugs like Sentinel, an oral broad-spectrum anthelmintic for dogs, and Capstar, a flea treatment for cats and dogs, are directly responsible for the death of entire generations of fleas.
Often dressed up in fancy medical jargon like "preventive care" or "topical parasite treatment," it cannot be thought of as anything but a genocide and its ethical implications must not be ignored.
Perhaps most disturbing to the activists is the special two-lecture series, scheduled for October 31st and November 1st, on the prevention of both fleas and ticks. The lectures will only further the knowledge and ability of current veterinary students to continue the devastating assault on blood-sucking parasites in the future.
Points out one protester, "Preventing fleas doesn't just impact the fleas, it also removes any tapeworm eggs inside the flea that could otherwise infect the dog. Parasites are people too!"
As yet, no formal charges have been raised in the International Court of Justice; but with such public outcry, it is only a matter of time before the situation escalates.
In other news, the families of roundworms, hookworms, and whipworms are considering filing a class action suit against the makers of Milbemax and Interceptor.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
SAAVMA, Fyfe Contract Chuck Norris to Hunt Membership Holdouts
In a divergence from DDR's usual insightful jaundiced journalism, we are compelled to bring an announcement that resonates with grim hilarity, SAAVMA Representative Justin Fyfe has issued a public statement acknowledging that Chuck Norris has volunteered to help "encourage" student holdouts to renew their membership to SAAVMA. This is sure to send chills down the spines of the rebellious independents who refuse to bend to the will of the almighty SAAVMA.
Said Chuck Norris in an exclusive interview, "SAAVMA initially offered me a contract, but for Professor Fyfe? I work for free."
While rumors abound regarding the secret relationship between the two martial arts masters, it has been suggested that it was in fact Mr. Fyfe who taught Chuck Norris to grow the legendary beard. Neither would comment directly, and both offered similarly earth-shattering roundhouse kicks in answer.
The only person ever to be exempted from SAAVMA membership was Chuck Norris, although it is worth noting that SAAVMA was not exempted from Chuck Norris membership.
While no specific threats have been issued, the abject terror brought on from knowing that the eyes of Walker: Texas Ranger are upon those who refuse to renew their membership should provide sufficient incentive.
Mr. Norris mentioned that the only reason he would even consider returning to his something-like-law enforcement days is at the request of Justin Fyfe. Said Mr. Norris, "Chuck Norris aspires to be like Prof. Fyfe."
For those of our readers adequately convinced that now is the time to renew your SAAVMA membership, the website is as follows:
http://www.avma.org/savma/dues/default.asp
DDR
Said Chuck Norris in an exclusive interview, "SAAVMA initially offered me a contract, but for Professor Fyfe? I work for free."
While rumors abound regarding the secret relationship between the two martial arts masters, it has been suggested that it was in fact Mr. Fyfe who taught Chuck Norris to grow the legendary beard. Neither would comment directly, and both offered similarly earth-shattering roundhouse kicks in answer.
The only person ever to be exempted from SAAVMA membership was Chuck Norris, although it is worth noting that SAAVMA was not exempted from Chuck Norris membership.
While no specific threats have been issued, the abject terror brought on from knowing that the eyes of Walker: Texas Ranger are upon those who refuse to renew their membership should provide sufficient incentive.
Mr. Norris mentioned that the only reason he would even consider returning to his something-like-law enforcement days is at the request of Justin Fyfe. Said Mr. Norris, "Chuck Norris aspires to be like Prof. Fyfe."
For those of our readers adequately convinced that now is the time to renew your SAAVMA membership, the website is as follows:
http://www.avma.org/savma/dues/default.asp
DDR
Thursday, September 15, 2011
AKC To Recognize Grenadian Reef Terrier
In what is regarded as an absurd decision, the American Kennel Club has voted to certify the Grenadian Reef Terrier as an officially recognized breed, eligible for all dog shows that compete under AKC rules.
The voting body of the AKC at last surrendered to the constant harassment of small but vocal contingent of owners of the extremely rare Grenadian Reef Terrier. Said one AKC member of the lobbyists' efforts, "Get off my lawn!"
The history of the reef terrier is not a proud one, as they were originally bred by Caribbean pirates to locate and retrieve buried sea turtle eggs from the beaches of the West Indian islands. Favored for their convenient travel size and comically large ears, reef terriers spread throughout the Caribbean. The turtle eggs were once a highly valued and nutritious delicacy for the sailors. More than merely working mascots, some pirate captains so admired the reef terriers that countless sea battles were decided by pitting the animals against one another in a challenge of ferocity and cuteness.
Unfortunately, as sea turtles came under increasing protection from environmentalist groups, the demand for and number of the reef terriers declined sharply. Only through carefully planned semi-feral breeding and capture programs were the reef terriers able to persist in Grenada, the small country to which we now attribute their nationality.
The breed has been described as "terrifically fast," "startlingly agile," and "unspeakably dumb." It is not yet clear the classification of the breed, but with their jet black coat and outsized ears, the GRT is sure to make an impact in dog shows worldwide.
DDR
The voting body of the AKC at last surrendered to the constant harassment of small but vocal contingent of owners of the extremely rare Grenadian Reef Terrier. Said one AKC member of the lobbyists' efforts, "Get off my lawn!"
The history of the reef terrier is not a proud one, as they were originally bred by Caribbean pirates to locate and retrieve buried sea turtle eggs from the beaches of the West Indian islands. Favored for their convenient travel size and comically large ears, reef terriers spread throughout the Caribbean. The turtle eggs were once a highly valued and nutritious delicacy for the sailors. More than merely working mascots, some pirate captains so admired the reef terriers that countless sea battles were decided by pitting the animals against one another in a challenge of ferocity and cuteness.
Unfortunately, as sea turtles came under increasing protection from environmentalist groups, the demand for and number of the reef terriers declined sharply. Only through carefully planned semi-feral breeding and capture programs were the reef terriers able to persist in Grenada, the small country to which we now attribute their nationality.
The breed has been described as "terrifically fast," "startlingly agile," and "unspeakably dumb." It is not yet clear the classification of the breed, but with their jet black coat and outsized ears, the GRT is sure to make an impact in dog shows worldwide.
 |
| Photo: Breed standard female of Grenadian Reef Terrier |
DDR
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
SO Kickball Team Voids Wins Amid Steroid Scandal
A wise person once said that love conquers all, but apparently, it takes love and steroids to win at kickball.
Per the new Collective Arguing Agreement, all participants of SGU's intramural kickball league are required to be tested for performance enhancing substances. Today, we learned exactly why there was a need for that particular clause in the CAA.
The "Skull Crushers" kickball team, a team made up predominantly of so-called "SOs," was found to have more than 80% of their players test positive for steroids. While one student's wife claimed, in true Manny Ramirez fashion, "they're birth control pills, you moron." I think we all know better than to believe that. The team will suffer a harsh punishment, voiding both of its wins from the previous two seasons.
League managers generally regarded this as a ridiculous idea, as most samples collected are too diluted with Carib and/or Stag to get a decent laboratory result anyway. However, today's positive results are a step in the direction of furthering a fair playing field for all kickball participants. The next step, clearly, is to have breathalyzer tests at each base to prevent potentially hilarious collisions on the basepaths.
DDR
Per the new Collective Arguing Agreement, all participants of SGU's intramural kickball league are required to be tested for performance enhancing substances. Today, we learned exactly why there was a need for that particular clause in the CAA.
The "Skull Crushers" kickball team, a team made up predominantly of so-called "SOs," was found to have more than 80% of their players test positive for steroids. While one student's wife claimed, in true Manny Ramirez fashion, "they're birth control pills, you moron." I think we all know better than to believe that. The team will suffer a harsh punishment, voiding both of its wins from the previous two seasons.
League managers generally regarded this as a ridiculous idea, as most samples collected are too diluted with Carib and/or Stag to get a decent laboratory result anyway. However, today's positive results are a step in the direction of furthering a fair playing field for all kickball participants. The next step, clearly, is to have breathalyzer tests at each base to prevent potentially hilarious collisions on the basepaths.
DDR
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Large Animal Physical Diagnosis Final Cancelled, Rodeo Held Instead
Amid cheers and line-dancing, the professors in charge of the third term LAMS501 course opted to discard their multiple choice final exam in favor of a more clinically relevant activity: a rodeo.
Students happily accepted the opportunity to apply the skills learned in the Large Animal Physical Diagnosis class. Said one student, "Medical math and blood draws are fine, but I want to do me some ropin'!" The quote was greeted by a chorus of "yee haws."
Professors throughout the SVM hail this decision as ground-breaking in the interest of developing clinical skills.
When asked about the dangers of holding a rodeo, one professor was very reassuring, "The bull sleeps like 18 hours a day and we'll be using med students as rodeo clowns in case anything goes bad." Tickets will go on sale on Saturday at 10:30am at the LARF. All proceeds to benefit the "Get SGU Accredited" Fund.
Students happily accepted the opportunity to apply the skills learned in the Large Animal Physical Diagnosis class. Said one student, "Medical math and blood draws are fine, but I want to do me some ropin'!" The quote was greeted by a chorus of "yee haws."
Professors throughout the SVM hail this decision as ground-breaking in the interest of developing clinical skills.
When asked about the dangers of holding a rodeo, one professor was very reassuring, "The bull sleeps like 18 hours a day and we'll be using med students as rodeo clowns in case anything goes bad." Tickets will go on sale on Saturday at 10:30am at the LARF. All proceeds to benefit the "Get SGU Accredited" Fund.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Disease Proves Non-fatal; Necropsy BBQ Cancelled
Countenances fell throughout the SVM yesterday as a number of livestock showed marked improvement with antibiotic therapy. The sadness wasn't for the improved health of the animals, of course, but for the concurrent cancellation of the scheduled "Necropsy Barbecue" which was to be held after all the infected animals passed away.
Said one professor, "We figured it was a shame to waste the meat and we are a little sad about all those donkeys about to die, so we thought, 'Hey! Barbecue!' and booked Black Sand Beach." When questioned about the safety of consuming flesh of sick animals, the professor said he was, "pretty sure" that "it'd be fine."
Donkey flesh, a highly sought Grenadian delicacy, was to be butchered/necropsied by fifth term students while final preparations such as the marinade and actual grilling were to be completed by sixth termers.
Organizers are hopeful to reschedule, however, as parasitology professor Dr. Linda Redney pointed out that a number of deadly parasites are coming into season in the coming weeks and "most of them aren't zoonotic."
Said one professor, "We figured it was a shame to waste the meat and we are a little sad about all those donkeys about to die, so we thought, 'Hey! Barbecue!' and booked Black Sand Beach." When questioned about the safety of consuming flesh of sick animals, the professor said he was, "pretty sure" that "it'd be fine."
Donkey flesh, a highly sought Grenadian delicacy, was to be butchered/necropsied by fifth term students while final preparations such as the marinade and actual grilling were to be completed by sixth termers.
Organizers are hopeful to reschedule, however, as parasitology professor Dr. Linda Redney pointed out that a number of deadly parasites are coming into season in the coming weeks and "most of them aren't zoonotic."
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)