A large explosion rocked the SGU toxicology laboratory last night. The aerosolized poisons were carried by trade winds and settled across the LARF teaching herd, Veterinary Surgical Hall, and local snack sites.
This reporter interviewed a number of professors and students regarding the disaster. Upon questioning, one farmhand said, “De animals? Dey okay, dey not dead.”
Pathobiology Department Head Dr. Shawarma expressed concern over the cause of the blast. He furthered investigative efforts by saying, “I don’t even know who has the keys for that lab anymore.” Students seeking to eat at the bagel truck or Sugar Shack should not be concerned, “there’s nothing in there now that wasn’t already there,” an anonymous employee reassures us.
Pathobiology Department Head Dr. Shawarma expressed concern over the cause of the blast. He furthered investigative efforts by saying, “I don’t even know who has the keys for that lab anymore.” Students seeking to eat at the bagel truck or Sugar Shack should not be concerned, “there’s nothing in there now that wasn’t already there,” an anonymous employee reassures us.
The explosive device is suspected to have been set by disgruntled second, third and/or sixth term students who blame Professor F.C. Browning for their poor grades rather than citing their own laziness, poor attitude and lack of interest in the material. Dr. Browning expressed heartfelt, if brief, disappointment when hearing of the tragedy, asking only, “I have a lab?”
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